July 1, 2009
baby NOT on board
rock a bye baby in your sweet slumber
kiss you my darling good night
falling in love with your heart melting coos
rocking so gently in my arms so tight
makes me smile to watch your eyes close
i dream of your soft giggles and tiny hands,
bubbles at bath time and crawling across the floor,
taking pictures of all the firsts,
i feel like it's all just a dream and nothing more
7 years ago I wrote this poem. Call it intuition, call it "motherly instincts" but I always knew something would be hard for me to have a baby. I always carried this feeling around with me. However, I thought it would be the getting pregnant part that would be hard for me. I kind of wish I was right in some ways. I was right in knowing it would be hard to have a baby. But I didn't know it would be this hard.
Who has that conversation with themselves that if they couldn't get pregnant naturally then they would accept it? And who has that conversation with themselves years before they even start to "try"? I did.
And now, flash forward to the present. My amazing husband and I have been married for two years and we have been "trying" to have a baby for 18 months. For some couples, that is a normal timeline. For us, mid-30s it feels like a ticking time bomb. Especially when you've already had 4 consecutive miscarriages.
